day nine is a science fiction extravaganza courtesy of ian pirie, paramount ticket systems administrator. ian, i just want to say i hope you know this is nothing personal, but you have picked two of my least favorite movies of all time. finally, the jackals out there may get the bloodletting they so look forward to during queue weeks. first out of the gate we have the wall-to-wall blood, explosions and nubs of paul verhoeven's starship troopers (1997).
it is verhoeven's adaptation of a robert a. heinlein's 1959 novel of the same name and takes place in a future where humans are at war with a species of humungous arachnids known as "the bugs". a group of high school friends enlist in the military just after graduation and go their separate ways, promoting fascism and militarism across the galaxy in the name of the federation. they engage in a series of escalating battles with an ever-expanding menagerie of arachnoid types until a final showdown in which the handsome hero saves the high school sweetheart from having her brain sucked out and the head bug is captured and abjectly paraded before thousands of hoorah-ing meatheads, preserving and promoting the federation (read: american) way of life. i get what verhoeven was trying to do here, trust me. i just don't think he does it particularly well. this satire of the fascist/militaristic mindset is executed with about as much grace and skill as an episode of beverly hills, 90210. when your firebomb-laden social commentary could just as easily double as a recruitment film for the, let's just say, more impressionable cannon fodder in the audience (and that is a huge section of this film's fanbase), then you may have gone a little too broad with it. in its favor, it follows the star trek/roddenberry model of a future that is culturally and ethnically diverse and has a fair balance of gender equality. not in its favor is just about everything else. it's ham-handed, is badly acted and looks television-cheap. let's not kid ourselves, though. we know why people watch this:
the gore is legendary. the landscape is strewn with body parts like they are confetti and balloons and this is a flaming lips show. people come for the blood. blood is compulsory. that, and the shower scene. i have heard all the arguments - verhoeven anticipated the global climate of 9/11, he made the most subversive anti-propaganda propaganda film of all time, blah, blah, blah. nope, don't buy it. if you haven't seen many movies, maybe. what he did was set out to mock the superficial and banal and made something...superficial and banal, about as nuanced and subtle as his opposite number, the knee-jerk jingoists who completely misunderstand it. for an added treat, check out the commentary track for two hours of verhoeven feverishly explaining the obvious ("war is bad") and screenwriter edward neumeier inadvertently exposing how much he obviously hates women. repeatedly. starship troopers? i say kill 'em all.
next, it's out of the frying pan into the fire with luc besson's the fifth element (1997).
or, as i like to call it, bruce willis cashes a check for 126 minutes. oh my god, i hate this movie. there is no filmmaker alive that i would less rather spend time picking their brain than luc besson. our sensibilities? never the twain shall meet, i'm afraid. there are about ten seconds in his entire filmography that i actually enjoy:
and i actually attribute that more to gary oldman.
i had the fifth element in the queue once before. here's how that went. i always rewatch them, though, whenever they are assigned, if for no other reason than to see how the other films in the queue re-contextualize them and to see what new comes of it. well, one thing springs immediately to mind this time around: 1997 was apparently the worst year for science fiction cinema in the history of mankind. or colekind, anyway. cube (1997) and gattaca (1997) second my emotion. excess was in fashion and depth was in short supply. just not my thing. so it goes.
it's not all rough seas today, though. the cinematic gods have smiled on us (austinites, anyway) and the paramount has announced its summer classic film series schedule! the schedule is incredible and there are numerous special events throughout the summer to add to your moviegoing experience. i highly recommend joining the paramount's film fan club if you regularly attend the summer series. the various membership levels have all sorts of perks and they pay for themselves in no time. paramount programmer jesse trussell has really outdone himself this year. i am sure there will be a post coming soon where i ramble on at length about all the things i am looking forward to this summer.
for now, though, i will close. once again, ian, sorry about that. next time i come in you can throw popcorn at me while the movie is playing.
tomorrow we come to the end of our grand and glorious experiment, one last day to get our groove on.
come back and see us or i will personally gong you.
Showing posts with label the fifth element. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the fifth element. Show all posts
5.16.2012
2.02.2011
attack of the cab monster: day two
queue de grĂ¢ce begins day two with a pair of ruminations on the elusive nature of the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.


the problem is i am too familiar with the controversy surrounding the veracity of carcaterra's book and it causes some problems for me. it proved distracting while watching the film. i don't necessarily doubt the recollection of abuse. i am well aware of the monstrous things that have gone on in institutions like that and the things you find in the darker corners of human nature ceased to surprise me long ago. the problem comes with the second half of the film and novel. murder trial transcripts are readily available public records and yet not one investigator/reporter was able to turn up evidence that this trial ever happened (and, in 1995/6, a lot of people were looking). so i have to wonder, why do something as irresponsible and damaging to your credibility as claim an elaborate revenge fantasy as a true story when it undermines your overall aim? i don't know why you would go to the trouble to concoct this thing, put your real name on it, and then dilute the power of exposing these animals by amending the story with what you wish would have happened positing it to be a "true story about friendship that runs deeper than blood". it just doesn't add up to me and it took away from the impact of the film. de niro's priest also strikes a bit of a false note with me. not the performance, but the motivations and final actions of the character. he seemed far too much of a pragmatist to lie just to free a pair of boys who would doubtlessly kill again, and soon, no matter how much he cared for them. he seemed far too reverent to violate the sanctity of his office with this lie. he seemed far too even-handed to think that murder and abuse are equivalent crimes. i applaud carcaterra's dedication to kicking over rocks and shining a light in these places, i just question his execution.
we don't have to stray too far from this territory to get to our next film, andrew jarecki's excellent documentary, capturing the friedmans (2003).

can't say the same for this:


what a mess. it steals from any number of superior science fiction films before it and strains out everything pure until all that's left are the annoying drippings. bruce willis might as well be wearing a shirt that says "i'm just cashing a check". oldman's arms-dealing, inverted hitler is only notable because of his neck-and-neck competition with ian holm to see how much talent can go to waste. cheap latex-masked catfish orcs mug to the camera when they get hit on the head. i half expected little birdies to fly around. the keystone cops are subtle next to the mangalores. the plot, such as it is, is completely unfocused. and glowsticks in the police car? now you are just trying to piss me off. i didn't freeze the frame because i was afraid if i had there would also have been whistles and pacifiers hanging from the rearview mirror. rave kids simply shouldn't make movies. it may not be the worst science fiction film i have ever seen. there are plenty of sprint-to-video titles that qualify for that. it is, though, without a doubt, the single worst 90 million dollar science fiction film i have ever seen. bad sets, bad special effects, a remedial, yet sometimes incomprehensible, plot and horrible acting. and this:

there, now you don't have to watch any scene this insufferable clown is in. you're welcome.
usually i can find at least one good thing to say about a film and in this case it is that besson shows the proper reverence for girls with freckles. that's it. and, in case you were wondering, i consulted the periodic table on this to see just what the fifth element is.

whew. that one took it out of me but i shall prevail. i have it on good authority that tomorrow france is sending an emissary to apologize for luc besson.

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