all that dark and all that cold

i have had this conversation with some of you, about how much this makes me think of my old man.

my dad doesn't say a lot that doesn't need to be said. i consider this one of his greatest attributes and one of the most valuable things he ever taught me. you learn a lot more, about both how and how not to be, when you just listen and observe. don't misunderstand, he's not a cold or distant person. he's smart, funny, sincere and generous. i will never be left wondering what he thought of me if i am ever, unfortunately, without him. he loves me, made a lot of sacrifices for me and gave me parts of himself that he gave to no one else. he did his level best, every single day. what more can you ask of someone? i would not change a single thing about how my parents raised me, a pretty rare sentiment. i do not take that for granted.

i think a lot of things that are innate in him are innate in me as well. i think neither one of us ever really felt like we belong in the time/place that we've happened to live, though we've made the best of it. i think there's a frontier that we couldn't find. i think we'll both keep looking, keep working on it, because he is steadfast and taught me to be as well. he taught me about the joy in the details of things, the fun of exploration, the satisfaction in a job well done. he showed me that when something is solid, you count on it and you don't have to talk about it all day long. he would go out into that cold and that dark and make that fire. he would wait for me and he would would be glad when/if i made it safely, no song and dance necessary.

i feel lucky to know the guy. i feel even luckier that he's my dad. he's an extraordinary person. thanks, dad, for going on ahead and looking out for me all this time. i know you always will.