cover me

during the course of an average workday i see a lot of dvd cover art. when you see that many, patterns begin to emerge, threads start to develop. i am continually puzzled by one thing in particular - how can so much marketing budget be spent on such shoddy, lazy work? you know they have invested a great deal of time and money in figuring out just exactly what images are going to move the most units. by extension, these must be the images people truly respond to. in this recurring feature we're going to take a gander at just what it is the dvd buying public find most compelling.

today's installment - "it's an a-brah-mination!"

apparently, there is no quicker method of transport to wretched humiliation than surfing. we all know most surfing movies are horrible. that's a given. but are they satisfied with surfing being shorthand for "here's ninety minutes you'll never get back"? no. let's see. i don't think just the inclusion of surfing communicates how wacky things are about to get up in here. what's missing? i know! swords! quarterly reports! steel claws! rob schneider! all of that is ridiculous enough but leave it to giant jim belushi to take us past the point of no return. his shooting the curl on top of charles grodin's car in whatever shriner's parade they are in is just over the line. he might as well have slapped us in the face with his carefree abandon. and by that i mean his penis. his dreadful, not-half-as funny-as-his-brother's penis. cowabunga!